{"id":4235,"date":"2016-03-05T19:12:46","date_gmt":"2016-03-05T19:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/?p=4235"},"modified":"2016-03-05T19:12:46","modified_gmt":"2016-03-05T19:12:46","slug":"scientists-study-ailing-senators-miraculous-recovery-by-rene-ciria-cruz","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/?p=4235","title":{"rendered":"Scientists Study Ailing Senator\u2019s Miraculous Recovery by Rene Ciria-Cruz"},"content":{"rendered":"

BIMINI, The Bahamas<\/span><\/strong> \u2014 Medical specialists based here are conducting extensive research and experiments on the case of an ailing Philippine senator who apparently sprang back to good health after being sprung from jail by the Philippines’ Supreme Court.<\/p>\n

Scientists at the Lilly & Putt Laboratories are amazed at the quick recovery of Senator Juan Ponce Enrile<\/strong>, who bounded from his sickbed in a detention centre right into the Senate halls with no apparent difficulty.<\/p>\n

Enrile was in jail facing corruption charges until \u00a0a \u00a0Supreme \u00a0Court \u00a0ruling freed him on bail on account \u00a0of \u00a0illness and old age. \u201cIt seems to be a rare case of the even rarer Lazarus Syndrome of which medical science has yet to find a credible explanation,\u201d stated Dr. Bill U. Leiter, director of research at Lilly & Putt. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Not only did Enrile make a grand entrance as a sprightly nonagenarian, he even launched a highly publicized investigation into last year\u2019s massacre of 44 police commandos, promising to unveil explosive \u201cnew evidence\u201d of official culpability on the part of the current administration.<\/p>\n

Although the evidence turned out to be a dud, scientists were left wondering whether supreme courts may now have an important though previously undetected curative role in the delivery of medical care.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe syndrome is vaguely related to parthenogenesis, or the asexual reproduction in some animal forms,\u201d observed Dr. Leiter. \u201cIn layman\u2019s terms, pregnancy and birth with no sex involved.\u201d<\/p>\n

In Enrile\u2019s case, he recovered quickly with no medication, surgery, physical therapy or rehab involved.<\/p>\n

\u201cMr. Enrile\u2019s system seems to have generated new cells to replace aging ones, making him instantly younger,\u201d exclaimed Dr. Fay Handenfoote, a visiting geneticist from Amsterdam.<\/p>\n

Dr. Handenfoote noticed that Enrile even lawyered in a Senate hearing for presidential candidate Jojo Binay, who is also facing corruption charges.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf Vice President Binay becomes president and rewards him for his help by releasing him from jail with a presidential pardon, Senator Enrile may just find the fountain of youth\u2014making him even healthier and younger. So young he may no longer need Viagra,\u201d Dr. Handenfoote declared.<\/p>\n

<\/em>This satirical piece was first published in <\/em><\/strong>Inquirer.net.<\/em><\/a><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BIMINI, The Bahamas \u2014 Medical specialists based here are conducting extensive research and experiments on the case of an ailing Philippine senator who apparently sprang back to good health after being sprung from jail by the Philippines’ Supreme Court.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[36,42,49],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4235"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4235"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4235\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4235"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4235"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.philippinesentinel.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4235"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}