Biography of Gary Lising

My name is Gary Lising. Former Secretary of Health Juan Flavier once said that I have a very nice name – for a disease.

 

I was voted as the sex symbol of Assumption College because according
to them, I am the only entertainer that looks like a sex organ.

 

I was already a celebrity even when I was a baby. I weighed 48 pounds when I was born – but weighed only 3 pounds after I was circumcised. I was the only abortion that lived..

 

I was such an ugly baby. My mother only puts the negatives of my pictures in our family album.

 

I was a very thin baby because I was a breastfed baby – I was breastfed by my father. I grew up to be a boy wonder – everybody always looked at me and wondered.

 

I studied at the Ateneo de Manila where I took up B.S. Economics. That explains why up to now I still am poor as ever.

 

 

 

I went to the United States where I put up my own business that went bankrupt. My business was selling PX goods. I lived in the penthouse of a 50 story building. My rent was only 200 dollars a month. It was very cheap because I had to walk up the stairs. There was no elevator.

 

I was drafted by the U.S. Army but I got exempted because of my religion –

I am a devout coward.

 

I came back to the Philippines because I miss the brownouts. We should
be proud of this fact because in the U.S. they don’t have brownouts. We
are the only country that has it. Another thing to be proud of is the merging of Erap Estrada’s “PACC” with Gringo Honasan’s “YOU” – it would be known as “PACC YOU”.

 

My father is Dr. Jose Lising, a bisexual – every time he sees sex he buys it. My mother Nieva Lising is a very religious woman – she is a nun.

 

My parents are in the iron and steel business. My mother irons and my father steals. I am married to Maris Paredes who up to now believes that love is really blind. I also have a son, Bugsy, he’s only five years old and he
already knows how to be ashamed of me.

 

I am also a firm believer in a lot of very serious facts of life. Let me share with you a few meaningful facts that I believe in: I BELIEVE….that if you read too much about the bad effects of smoking – give up reading. I BELIEVE…Dick Gordon when he said that women should be put up in a pedestal – high enough so you could look up their dresses. I BELIEVE…IN GOD, THE FATHER ALMIGHTY, AND THAT EVENTUALLY WE WILL HAVE PEACE AND HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF OUR FAITH IN HIM. 

GARY LISING, S.J. (Some Joker) – ??