“I prefer a government run like hell by Filipinos to a government run like heaven by Americans.” (Manuel L. Quezon)
From the diary of Sister Teresita of the Anglican Congregation of the Blessed Sacrament — Exposed:
“Last night, just before turning in, I opened my bible at random , as I have done every evening to read myself to sleep with the words of Holy Writ upon my lips. On this occasion, my fingers landed on the Gospel of St. Mark, Chapter 5. It tells of Jesus coming to Gadara, a town along the shores of Galilee, where he encountered a possessed man of such infernal strength that iron chains could not hold him. The source of such strength became apparent when, asked of his name by Jesus, he answered ‘My name is Legion: for we are many’. In fear of Christ’s apparent resolve to cast them out of their poor host, with the prospect of returning to hell looming large before their eyes, Legion begged the Lord’s permission to transfer to a herd of swine up on the mountain. This was readily granted. But no sooner had they entered the swine than the herd in a wild frenzy rushed headlong down a steep precipice into the waters of Galilee and drowned.”
“It is a story familiar to all Christians offering the lesson that the sovereignty of God extends even to the Devil who fears Him; that Evil will one day destroy itself and that God will eventually triumph. As if to emphasize this point, the narrative of the demonic Legion and the swine is repeated in the gospels of Luke and Matthew. With this reassuring message, I fell into a deep sleep.”
“Sometime later, I felt a tug and some movements at the foot of my bed and drowsily I opened my eyes and saw a man of porcine appearance, an extreme endomorph, nattily dressed in expensive Barong Tagalog such as worn by politicians in my native Flipland. And behind him the convent walls that bound my cell melted away and I saw the beautiful Middle Earth scenery of my adopted New Zealand forming a background to about five thousand beings of both sexes, all of them fat with no discernible necks, the males in barong and the females in Imelda Marcos ternos. Those at a distance seem to have snouts instead of noses.”
“With this horrific vision, adrenaline pumped up and down my spinal column as I gasped and uttered, ‘Wha… who?’ ‘A demon, at your service, Sister Teresita’, answered the apparition with a slight bow. ‘To be more specific, I am… that is… we are Legion’, making a slight turn to his left and to his right to acknowledge the presence of his cohorts. ‘What do you want of me?’ I asked with a slight quake in my voice. ‘Nothing but your ears’, answered Legion. ‘You can have them’ I said, ‘but never my soul’.”
“ ‘Thank you so much for offering to listen. Your soul is of no concern to us for the time being. Our rushing headlong into the waters of Galilee was true but the witness who narrated the incident to the three evangelists erred when he said that we drowned. Being a Jew who looked upon pigs as disgusting animals, he did not bother to stay longer when he saw us plunging down the steep precipice into the depths of the lake. Ignorant of the adipose tissues distributed all over our bodies, he assumed that we remained at the bottom and drowned. But fat being lighter than water, we floated to the surface. We swam towards a large boat awaiting us that took us ashore. From there we wandered eastward across the vast Asian continent all the way towards the shores of Cathay and there we were transported by boat southwards across the sea to reach our final destination — an archipelago later to be known as Flipland which we planned to transform as a surrogate to hell. It was all part of The Infernal Program (TIP) conceived by The Boss to have a country and a people all his own, his kingdom on this planet.’”
“Legion continued: ‘After several day’s journey, we arrived at the future Flipland. There was on shore a large number of natives, ancestors of present day Flips who, on seeing a boatload of pigs, turned delirious with joy which became more intense as they saw us jump overboard swimming towards them. Upon reaching the beach they ran to us and promptly slaughtered us. As the lives of our swinish hosts ebbed, our spirits entered the bodies of the butchers and at that instant they became ours (as did generations that followed them). A raucous feast followed as the natives, now our possessions, ate our flesh and drank our blood, which did nothing to improve their lipid profile. (It later became the fiesta staple of litson and dinuguan.)
“And so several generations later, Flipland became a nation and had a government. Crucial to The Infernal Program was control of Flip bureaucracy and all three branches of government, which was readily accomplished as critical positions were staffed by Flip descendants of the original welcoming natives I’ve spoken of. A strategic move to insure that our ways and means shall prosper into the future, the Boss established all across the archipelago schools of law for Flips with a modicum of intelligence and with a desire for “public service.” In these schools, we hardwired into the neurons of the law students two commandments — just two as against the ten that your God gave Moses. These are:
? Thou shall love thyself with thy whole heart, thy whole soul and thy whole
mind and NOBODY ELSE!
? Thou shall not get caught.”
“The core subject of our curriculum that our future lawyer-politician-bureaucrat has to learn by heart is Lying, Cheating and Stealing (LCS 101). The student must not only pass both written and oral tests but also the practicum by lying to, cheating on and stealing from his spouse and loved ones without being detected as our second commandment stressed. The successful student could then move on to other subjects which are constellation subjects as they revolve around LCS 101. We note with great satisfaction that the smartest Flip legislator are alumni of our schools [in Loyola Heights].”
“The Boss did not neglect the infernal enculturation of the brainless who form the majority. We established the entertainment industry to cater to the debased tastes of the tribe of Hopeless Idiots. Flips with political ambitions but lacking in gray matter to enter our law schools are given their opportunity in film studios and television stations to practice all the diabolical virtues, chief of which is prostitution, an essential ingredient in the art of politics. In this industry, the first commandment of self-love is most assiduously observed but the second is unfortunately neglected as it takes brains not to get caught ”
“The Infernal Program is moving along splendidly. Our dominance in the affairs of Flipland has shown itself by way of the pork barrel a term that we find piquantly amusing for its reference to the animal under which disguise we set foot in your native land. From the bounties of pork, we have infiltrated your society. Look at your headlines: all branches of government, the military, the media…And don’t think that the pious moves and sanctimonious words of the current administration will result in Flip society moving along the straight and narrow path of The Good. In less than two years’ time there will be another election and we know that the Hopeless Idiots will vote for Darkness. The Gadarene swine marches on!’”
“Slowly, my visitor disappeared together with his legion. I looked around and saw myself in the comforts of my tiny nun’s cell once again. I have been dreaming, it seems. I think back on the words uttered by Legion in my dreams. The Devil is the father of lies but he skilfully coats it with some truths to make his point plausible. The big lie is that he will win. And yet he spoke the truth about my people. They have been possessed. The nation must be exorcised. The clergy has to do it! Its silence in the face of evil bodes ill. Is it possible that after the government, the military, the media… can the clergy… ? Aw, shit! The bell is ringing for matins. I’ll get down to the chapel and pray.”