The ‘Middle Wife’

I love show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, etc. I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. They are always welcome to bring anything and talk about them.

One day little Erica took her turn with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother.”

“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an ‘umbrella cord. I tried not to laugh and wished I had my camcorder with me. The kids watched her in amazement as Erica was holding the pillow up her belly.

“Then one day, my Mom started going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ Now this kid was doing a duck walk and groaning.

“My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case my baby brother got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed. (This kid had her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)’ Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.

“They started counting. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-centre, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’ — by an unnamed Primary Grade Teacher.